Cuddling Salt&Vinegar Chips

Cuddling with someone for the first time is like trying out a new flavor of potato chips…




Picture this:  You know how right before a party, there are, like, ten different bags of chips sitting out on the counter, waiting to be opened and devoured?

Let’s say you open the first bag, because you’re feeling a bit peckish, the flavor title looks interesting (and let’s be honest, you want to have the first chip before you have to pour the rest of the bag out into a big bowl.)


You pull apart the seam and take a big whiff of this new chip flavor smell.  You reach your hand in the bag, excited to try out a taste of the first crispy chip… Let the flavor rest on your tongue for a second…  Uh oh!  You realize that it doesn’t taste the way the bag says it’s supposed to.  You scrunch up your face, think “Ew!  Not for me!”, then in a fit of disgust you roll the opening of the bag closed, and hide it away in the cupboard so that you don’t ever do it again.


Let’s get this icky flavor out of your mouth!  Now you’re browsing the remaining unopened chip bags on the counter, and find one that looks good.  You pop open a new bag with the intention of tasting a different flavor, just to clear the palette, and restore your faith in chips everywhere.  Innocent enough…

But wait!  This bag is different than the first one, and as soon as that perfectly porportioned chip lands on your tongue, you know it, too!


The flavor hits you like a missile!  It doesn’t stop at your tongue, either; it stretches all the way back to the back of your mouth, your nasal cavity, and somehow makes its way to reach a part of your soul.  This flavor experience is too intense for words.  You throw your head back, letting your eyes roll, and with gusto, murmur “ohmygawd!” between bites.

“I can’t stop at just one!”  You look into the depths of the chip bag, thinking “Ok, this is the best flavor I’ve ever had!  Just one more taste, real quick, then I’ll stop”.

Second chip.

Third chip.

Now it’s turning into handfuls.

You’re groping around that chip bag like it’s your final food source before the apocalypse.  Before you know it, you’ve ripped the bag apart to create a chip-bag-plate on the counter so that you can grab every last crumb.  When you come to, you realize you’ve eaten every last chip, you’re sucking the flavor crystals off your fingers, and licking the salt off the silvery shiny surface of your makeshift dinner platter.


Kinda like cuddles with a brand new person.  Sometimes, you’re left disappointed; Maybe they had bad breath, or were overly frigid with you, or they turned into one of those “I love you already” types.  Whatever the reason, that particular flavor of person didn’t fit your appetite, and you shelved them.  [GUYS:  You know this as the Friend Zone.  Sorry about your luck, but she’s never opening that bag that’s hidden away in the nether regions of the cupboard.  She’ll throw out a bag of stale, soggy chips before ever tasting it again.]

Other times, you’re surprised by the chemistry!  Maybe you had both fully intened to keep things platonic.  Sometimes, “Hey, come over and watch a movie, we’ll cuddle and then you’ll go home” turns into …. Well…. Check out my “Makeout Mixtape” post.  You get the picture.

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